a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
