He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
