I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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