I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
