I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
