If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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