I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
