So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
