remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
