just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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