Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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