The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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