I am puke
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
