I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
