i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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