Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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