How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
