Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just puked most of my soul out..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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