I think I won the penis lottery.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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