If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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