you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
