All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize