thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
