...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
