he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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