Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
