I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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