I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
