respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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