He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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