Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
