I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
