I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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