Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
