Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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