I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Randomize
