Can i not drive my cunt home
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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