Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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