What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
