Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
