Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
