I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
