need another drink. this is the easiest way
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
