do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
