Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
