remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
