As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
