Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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