We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
