did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
