Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
