just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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