Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
