hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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